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G-U-I-L-T

im totally guilty of not updating this thing enough and not keeping in touch with people nearly as much as i should. but now that im finding myself on here more and more without actually making a post, its starting to get to me.

anyways, today i totally got reality checked. i totally freeked out about my english class. i seriously freeked the fuck out. i haven't gone to class in like three weeks just because i didn't feel like going...then i found myself behind so i was like "i'll catch up and go back to class" that never happened. so yea. three weeks later...my essay is due the next day and i flipped my shit. i thoroughly thought about dropping the class and picking it up next sememster, but that would mean that i wasn't full time anymore and i wouldn't qualify for financial aid. so idk. i just had to think long and hard about shit. then i decided to just finish the damn essay and turn it in. i will fail it no doubt. i will probably fail it really hard, but at least i will have something done...and i will have learned a good lesson. go to fucking class. haha.

then let's see. work was miserable. idk. everything seemed so shitty. it might have been the weather, it might have been the people. i haven't a clue, but business was slowwwww. i sat there and wrote eva a letter for almost an hour. i had the worst cramp in my hand, but it was fun trying to catch up with what's been going on in letter form. haha.

after work i went home, then to katie's. i got a fone call that made my heart pound in my chest. at least i know he's going to be okay. it will prolly take a few days, but he'll be back to normal before you know it :D it's times like these that make you think about what you have...not that i didnt already know he was wonderful...

so yea. life is decent. i can think of like a million ways it could be worse. mmmhmm. i hope everyone's doing well. feel free to hit the cell as most of the time i have it...or will have it. i just took a sleeping pill that's supposed to knock me the fuck out, so imma lay in bed while it does its thing. <3333

Mmmhmm

Promises Promises

big update coming soon. [meaning tomorrow]

Its Not You It's Me

And I am a weapon of massive consumption
And its not my fault it’s how I’m programmed to function
I’ll look at the sun and I’ll look in the mirror
I’m on the right track yeah we're on to a winner

I don’t know what’s right and what’s real anymore
I don’t know how I’m meant to feel anymore
When do you think it will all become clear?
‘Cuz I’m being taken over by The Fear

Forget about guns and forget ammunition
Cause I’m killing them all on my own little mission
Now I’m not a saint but I’m not a sinner
Now everything's cool as long as I’m gettin thinner

I don’t know what’s right and what’s real anymore
I don’t know how I’m meant to feel anymore
When do you think it will all become clear?
‘Cause I’m being taken over by fear


-Lilly Allen, The Fear

Boooored


[SECTION 1 ABOUT YOURSELF]

Known as: Lee Lee
Lives in: Hampton, NH
Birthday: Nov. 8, 1986
Religion: Agnostic
Shoe size: 6.5
Hair color: dark brown
Eye color: Brown
Style: comfy. Hahaha.

[SECTION 2 HAVE YOU EVER...]
Cheated on someone?: nope
Been Cheated on?: nope
Fallen off the bed?: yea. I fell off the top bunk of a bunk bed when I was little. Haha
Broken someone’s heart?: i hope not
Had your heart broken?: ugh
Had a dream come true?: yessum
Done something you regret?:No, i try not to regret anything
Cheated on a test?: haha yea.

[SECTION 3 CURRENTLY...]
Wearing?: jeans and my bathing suit top :D
Listening to?: CSI on the television
Located?: in myrtle beach bwahaha
Chatting with?: nobody at the moment. But I do want to talk to ryan <3
Watching?: CSI
Should REALLY be doing?: idk. I’m on vacation bitch.

[SECTION 4 DO YOU...]
Brush your teeth?: yessums
Have any piercings?: ears
Drive?: all the time.
Drink?: when I can. Haha.
Got a pager?: no ‘cuz I got a cell

[SECTION 5 FRIENDS...]
Who is your best?: eva and ryan
Who do you hate?: where do I beginnnn
Who is the most talkative?: prolly brandon
Who laughs the most?: prolly my stupid ass
Who have you known the longest?: evar
Who have you known the shortest?: idk. Tim ?
Do you hang out with the opposite sex?: yeah
Do you trust your friends?: most of them
Are you a good friend?: i would like to think so
Can you keep a secret?: if it’s important yes

[SECTION 6 THE LAST PERSON YOU...]
Hugged?: uhm. Ryan before I left the barn
Kissed?: ryan
IMed?: cody
Talked on the phone to?: Katie ‘cuz she called meee
Yelled at?: my mom ‘cuz she was bitching at me

[SECTION 7 PERSONAL...]
What do you want to be when you grow up?: I have no idea.
What has been the best day of your life?: by far july 2nd, 2005.
What Comes first in your life?: my friends and being happy
Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend/crush?: yessums.
What are you most scared of?: being alone…and being betrayed cover all bases.
What do you usually think about before you go to bed?: people…what I have to do the next day..what happened that day…idk.
Did you lose someone you really loved?: besides my dad…no
How many times have you fallen in love?: just once. It’s a crazy feeling
Love your family?: my brother is my only family so yes.
Love your friends?: with everything that I have <3

[SECTION 8 FAVORITE...]
Movie: Mean Girls
Song: at the moment - got it twisted remix by mobb depp and hoes by the ying yang twins
Store: idk. Fastrac. Hahaha.
Relative: prolly my aunty loyna ‘cuz she’s so silly
Sport: anything entertaining. Football, wrestling, rugby, lacrosse, basketball, etc.
Ice Cream Flavor: cookies and creammmm
Fruit: oranges, grapes, strawberries even tho ryan’s allergic to them
Time: when I’m with friends :D
Color: red, pink, white…idk.
Name for a Girl: leilani
Name for a Boy: liam

[SECTION 9 DO YOU...]
Like to give hugs?: as long as I like the person
Like to give kisses?: yessum. Just one person in particular tho
Like to walk in the rain?: yessum. Kissing in the rain is the best
Prefer black or blue pens?: depends on what I’m using it to write.
Like to travel?: with friends of course…with my mom…no
Have a goldfish?: no. fish are a pain in the ass
Ever have the falling dream?: not in a long time
Have stuffed animals?: yea :D

[SECTION 10 WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT...]
Abortion: I think it’s up to the girl
Smoking: is dirtyyyyy
Eating disorders: booo
Summer: is so much fun
Tattoos: are sexy
Piercings: i loveeee em

[SECTION 11 WHICH ONE...]
Pierced nose or tongue?: tongue
MTV or BET?: MTV
Sugar or salt? Sugar
Silver or gold?: Silver
Chocolate or flowers?: either
Color or Black-and-white photos?: Black and white
M&Ms or Skittles?: peanut butter M&M's
Stay up late or sleep in?: stay up late and wake up early. Haha.
Hot or cold?: Cold
Sun or moon?: Moon
Left or Right?: Right
10 Acquaintances or 1 best friend?: 1 best friend
Mustard or ketchup?: ketchup
Spring or Fall?: Fall
Happy or sad?: Sad
Wonder or amazement?: amazement
McDonald's or Burger King?: subway
Mexican or Italian food?: chinese
Lights on or off?: off it wastes too much power
Candy or Soda?: candy. I don’t really like soda except for mountain dew
Pepsi or Coke?: mountain dew

Summer Lovin

The summer can not come fast enough. Just sayin.

Photobucket

Man's Best Friend?

Photobucket

Nightmares. For. Weeks.

Life Goes On...


as always, things have gotten better since last weekend. it may have taken a little arguing and some yelling, but things are better than they were. honestly i feel so lucky to have certain people in my life. there are no words to describe eva. she's just wonderful. i'm so lucky to have a best friend that can put up with all my shit <3 then ryan...i wish the whole world could feel the way that i feel when i'm with him.

No Love Lockdown


so yea. last night i went out with the boys...and decided not to come home until 1:30 in the morning. MANNN did my parents get PISSED. my stepdad stopped me in the middle of the road to "see if i was drinking or smoking." what a perfect night to do so because I did neither that night :D he asked me where i came from and he actually went there and talked to the kids parents. mang. it was gay. then i got home and got yelled at for a while. no cell phone for while...and i'm on lockdown until next weekend with no car. the way i figure, it was worth it. actually it was totally worth it. i basically hung out with the boys all night. i also got to see some of the old regulars at pentagon or parallelogram's last night [i have no idea what his name was]. it was kinda cool. everyone is so much cooler outside of school. the only sucky part of last night was seeing wren. i thought we had to follow him up to camp...i was pissed, but you shoulda seen ryan's face. he was even madder <3. i don't even deserve him...last night was a prime example. it was pouring rain outside and i didn't wanna drive anymore so he took over. he became dd even tho he was sick. granted i didn't drink...but we all kinda went out to party that night...and we didn't really do a good job :\ i think the highlight of the night was mcdonalds and johnson's house. it was just hilariously funny. the other ppl at mcdonalds at 1 in the morning were so stoned that they didn't know how to order. we were making fun of them through the drive-thru.

anyways. i have to go look for a job. my mom is ongry...so i need to gets a job. even if it means i'm not going to myrtle beach next month. YAY/

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